Thursday, December 24, 2009

i'm having a crisis of confidence, and i blame jesus.

actually my crisis is not so much about the jesus as it is christians in general. the thing is, i don't really celebrate christmas. i'm just not that into it. i'm not religious so i miss out on the christ part of christmas. i'm also not a fan of another consumer driven holiday. it bothers me when i start seeing commercials in october for kmart pushing layaway. the idea of people spending money they don't have on things they don't need seems foolish to me. and while decorations and lights are sometimes pretty, at the same time i find them wasteful. in high school i went around with a bunch of friends unplugging christmas lights. at the time it was a way to prove what punks we were, but also i think a valid statement at the amount of resources wasted when people cover their homes/businesses/trees in lights and leave them on all night.

it's not that i hate jesus, or santa. i've just stopped being amused by their superstition. for the last three years i've managed to find ways to keep from taking part in the holiday. the thing i take so personally is that when i explain to people that i don't celebrate christmas it always ends with me seeming like an asshole. and sure i have a tendency to be selfish and occasionally hurt people's feelings, but overall these are unintentional habits. and not to sound self-righteous, though this is another bad habit of mine, i do just as many if not more good deeds as the people who claim to have better morals than i do.

that said, three things i do actively enjoy about christmas:
1.) the santaland diaries.
2.) national lampoon's christmas vacation - such a classic.
3.) tacky homemade sweaters.

Monday, December 21, 2009

scents for gents

i've got this theory, and so far it's proving to be true. all hetero identifying males (and a few gay boys i know who try and pass) use either old spice or axe body products. i blame both companies advertising campaigns. they create an illusion that (a) men are only men when they use these products and (b) the smell of men wearing these products drives women crazy. the irony- the guys usually reek of douche bag.

Monday, December 14, 2009

and who doesn't love boobs?

i may have had a mild rage stroke after watching a video kevin connolly recently made for the group men for women now. i tried- unsuccessfully- for about 10 minutes to post the video here but i kept running into "errors." anyway, i'd recommend checking out the highlighted links i've added. for now though, i'll give a run down of the video and website. in the video connolly suggestions adding a facebook application that will donate money to the noreen fraser foundation for women's cancer research. in theory this seems great, but there were about a hundren-thousand problems with the way he approached the topic.

this is a direct quote from connolly- "what is facebook all about? faces? i don't think so, it's about boobs. ladies go there to show them off, guys go there to check them out. i mean really when you think about it, it should be called boobbook." he ends the video by saying, "please do it. it's a matter of life and breast." just a few problematic things about this- (a) reinforcing aggressive heteronormative behaviors of objectifying women, (b) "women go there to show them off" ... really? out of the majority of my female friends on facebook i can confidently say they do not get on facebook to show off their breasts, (c) making light of a serious topic like cancer isn't funny, and neither is ignoring the face of a survivor. ask a woman who survived breast cancer i bet she'll tell you it isn't just "about the boobs."

several male celebrities have made videos for men for women now. i've watched videos from jack black, zach galifinaikis, and neil patrick harris, all of which weren't as problematic as the kevin connolly video. still yet, this is a subject i'm very torn on. sure, it's great that leading men are helping raise awareness about breast cancer research, but is it their place to be telling women to go get regular breast exams and pap smears? what are these male celebrities stance on the stupak amendment?

if this is a topic you're interested in and/or passionate about i would recommend checking out the noreen fraser foundation, watching her personal video and donating to the foundation directly from her site.




edit-- on a lighter note, i witnessed one of the strangest/most disturbing/hilarious things i think i've ever seen since living in columbia. nora and i were driving down worely street and a mediacom technician was holding a live wire, with his bare hand, across two lanes of traffic, waving people by. cars were going under the wire like we were in a game of limbo. wtf?





Friday, December 11, 2009

what do you do for a living?

so the thing about arbitrary small talk is that no one actually cares. people ask each other questions hoping to find something both can relate to and then an actual conversation can occur. asking a person what she or he does for a living is a particularly disappointing question. i have never met a person who has been able to really impress me with their occupation. no one ever answers: astronaut, under-water welder, glass blower, exotic animal dealer. recently i've had a lot of free time so my internet activity has increased to the point that it's the majority of my daily activities. i've been looking at easy part-time jobs i could take on to fill part of my days. one that i found was this add for sermon critics. if i weren't already busy on sunday mornings, and the fear that i might burst into flames when i walked through the door, i would sign up for this in a second. i really think i could give a more unbiased opinion than anyone else sitting before god, and i could get paid for it, too. in a related story, i was looking at TOMS shoes online the other day and noticed the chat feature. this is by far the best idea anyone has ever thought of for people who prefer online shopping. i had a handful of questions i needed answered and the person working my chat window was a tremendous help. i started to wonder later though how a person gets that type of job, and is it appropriate to ask that question via chat? now i really want to meet a person who can tell me they either a.) get paid to give church feedback, or b.)work as a troubleshooter in online retail chat rooms, or even better c.) both.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

guess who's coming to dinner.

a question i always enjoy asking people, especially someone i've just met is, "if you could have dinner and drinks with three people- dead or alive- who would they be". i think the answers people give are telling of his or her personality, and generally give a good idea of how interesting the person is. the best answer i've gotten to that question was really no one answer at all. my friend mike totally avoided the question all together. later in our conversation he came back to it and said, "you know i can't really answer that. what if i'm presented with the opportunity one day to actually have dinner with these three people and they end up disappointing me?" mike made a fair point.

when people redirect the question back to me it seems my answer is always changing. partly because i am indecisive, and partly because i am always thinking of new people whose company i would enjoy. currently my companions would be- tina fey, david sedaris, and chuck klosterman.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy “please don’t mind if we steal your land, give you blankets infected with small pox, force you to convert to our faith” Thanksgiving!

i'm thankful to jenny dills, or rather her co-worker, for giving me the title for this post.

additionally, i'm thankful for the warming email i got from our president barack obama earlier today. i signed up for campaign updates from organizing for america last november and still get them. i like the idea of receiving personalized emails from our "president barack obama." so does scarlett johansson. anyway, the email went on to say that tomorrow americans across the country will sit down and give thanks with their families and count their blessings with their loved ones... so on and so forth the way a generic thanksgiving speech would go.

the smaller part of me that still sees the good in people saw this as a kind gesture. the larger and admittedly more cynical part was irritated. yes millions of americans (who have the privilege) will sit down tomorrow with their families and (ideally) be thankful for their blessings (more food than they need).

food for thought:
-over half of the world's population (over three billion people) live on less than $2.50 a day.
-39.5 million people in america live at or below the poverty line, 12.9 million being children.
-of all family groups poverty is highest among those headed by single women.
-nearly 1.5 tons of food is wasted each year in the united states.

i'm not ungrateful, though i am often grumpy. i have several things i am thankful for, not just one day a year but everyday. i just don't enjoy the holiday.

Monday, November 16, 2009

quite a queer coincidence






i noticed this last night when i was watching an old episode.
mine's bigger.




Wednesday, November 11, 2009

That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!

as a child my dream was to become an astronaut when i grew up. around middle school i started telling people i was going to be a professional actor/model. i would tell perfect strangers this with complete certainty. now i'm almost twenty-three and neither career seem as realistic as they did then. it seems i have difficulty figuring out what i'm really interested in doing as an actual profession. at the moment organic farmer and beer master seem like fun.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

are you ready to be woman approved?!

to preface, i hate getting my hair cut. i get uncomfortable when i'm sitting in the chair, trying to make small-talk with the person cutting my hair. i always end up lying to the person because i think she (most often women cut my hair) asks questions that are mildly inappropriate and not really any of their business so i make up ridiculous stories in resonse. to be honest, i'd rather sit in silence and just look at myself in the mirror.

anyway, i managed to get a free haircut yesterday. i needed one anyway, and i love free things so initially this seemed like a sweet deal. it turned out, axe hair products are sponsoring free haircuts for men all week, this should have been the first red flag. i walk in to varsity clips and three women greet me by saying, "welcome to the axe hair-care clinic! are you ready to get woman approved?!" this should have been my second red flag. i had to sign a form and get a before picture taken. after that i sat down to wait...

whenever amanda, she prefers mandy, called me back and told me to sit down the first thing she says is, "can you do me a favor? since i'm about to give you a free haircut and get you woman approved, next time you come in give the receptionist this card. it enters me into a context, and i want to win that context." our conversation went as badly as i imagined it would. she told me about how her grandfather liked to pretend he was in the mafia, and how after her mother dies she's going to try and trade some old family photos for a weekend stay at a historic/haunted hotel in hot springs, arkansas. she got on this topic after i told her i was from arkansas, and she told me i wasn't pronouncing it correctly. then she told me about her halloween and how she blacked out because she's not used to taking shots anymore. this was after asking what i did for halloween and criticizing my costume. through out this experience she kept saying, "we're going to get you woman approved!" when i made the comment, "great. i'm really trying to attract more woman right now," mandy didn't get the joke.

the best, or worst part of the experience depending how you look at it, after she finished cutting my hair she used this awful axe hair paste on my head. she gave me a fohawk, a look i cannot and will not ever try and pull off. i think she knew this too because after she "styled" my hair she said, "oh. you never have you do your hair like this again."

thanks, mandy.

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Does He Love You?


i saw this on my way home today
and i mass texted the photo.

my favorite response:
"Aww. But do they return the favor?"

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

these are a few of my favorite things

do you ever wonder, "whatever happened to arsenio hall?" i asked myself this question the other night. his official website informed me of a couple things: he has returned to stand-up comedy and toured for the first time in over a decade, he is represented by the William Morris Agency, but most importantly, his website informed me of his favorite things.

a couple things we have in common:
  • favorite condiment: tabasco
  • cartoon: scooby doo

Thursday, October 15, 2009

diva.



on my walk home today i was waiting at a crosswalk for the light to change, and i noticed the woman in front of me at the light is singing along to the tunes in her car. but she wasn't just singing along, she was really singing. almost performing a one woman concert in her car. i watched her for a little bit, wondering what she could be listening to. she also had a modest dance routine going along with the song. her window was rolled down so i casually took my earphones out and tried to listen in. honestly i was hoping to hear beyonce. instead it was guns n roses. pretty quickly after that i think she noticed me creepin' because she stopped singing, smiled at me, then her light turned and she drove away. even though it wasn't beyonce as i continued to walk home i kept thinking, way to go stranger-car-singing-diva. your confident and carefree performance is an inspiration. i often wonder, as i tend to sing along with my ipod when i'm biking/walking, if people look at me and think i'm a confident and handsome looking young professional, or just crazy. then right before i got home i saw this van and started to wonder what kind of music this person sings along to...




Tuesday, October 13, 2009

"But some people came that like did not RSVP. I was totally buggin."

i have this habit of reading webmd for fun. if i feel at all like i could possibly be getting mildly ill, i'll look up the symptoms. i also enjoy the featured articles. anyway, today there was a featured article, "Swine flu: 10 Things Not to Do." i'm reading down the list, and found #3 to be particularly interesting- "Don't hold or attend a swine flu party." according to the article the guest of honor at a swine flu party is someone who, as you might guess, has swine flu. the point of the party is for all the attendees to become infected with the virus so they can just get it over with, in the hopes they leave the party with a mild case of the virus and then will be immune for the rest of the season. "that's a bad idea," according to the article, and the CDC. i was intrigued by what a swine flu party might be like so i googled it to see what would come up. turns out the new york times wrote an article back in may reporting on mothers who thought this would be a good idea for their children, even tweeting about the idea to try get others interested in setting one up. apparently this taking immunity into your own hands approach is common for viruses like chickpox. normally i will use almost any excuse to get dressed up and go to a party, but this may be the one exception where i have to decline.

well, here's where the magic happens.

i decided to start blogging again. i really like the idea of people reading things i wrote while sitting in my pajamas, drinking coffee and thinking they are funny and insightful. jessica valenti is pretty much my inspiration for this idea. also my friend, allison. and maybe my neighbor, too. the only time i see him leave his house it is for very short periods of time, and he often has people stopping by his house for short periods of time. i've decided he is either a professional blogger, or drug peddler. today his british wife, nikki, ran outside to get in her car, turned on techno music loud enough i could hear it in my dining room, then beeped her horn. my neighbor (her husband) ran outside without shoes, but wearing headphones, and blew her a kiss. professional blogger or drug peddler, jury's still out.