are you ready to be woman approved?!

to preface, i hate getting my hair cut. i get uncomfortable when i'm sitting in the chair, trying to make small-talk with the person cutting my hair. i always end up lying to the person because i think she (most often women cut my hair) asks questions that are mildly inappropriate and not really any of their business so i make up ridiculous stories in resonse. to be honest, i'd rather sit in silence and just look at myself in the mirror.

anyway, i managed to get a free haircut yesterday. i needed one anyway, and i love free things so initially this seemed like a sweet deal. it turned out, axe hair products are sponsoring free haircuts for men all week, this should have been the first red flag. i walk in to varsity clips and three women greet me by saying, "welcome to the axe hair-care clinic! are you ready to get woman approved?!" this should have been my second red flag. i had to sign a form and get a before picture taken. after that i sat down to wait...

whenever amanda, she prefers mandy, called me back and told me to sit down the first thing she says is, "can you do me a favor? since i'm about to give you a free haircut and get you woman approved, next time you come in give the receptionist this card. it enters me into a context, and i want to win that context." our conversation went as badly as i imagined it would. she told me about how her grandfather liked to pretend he was in the mafia, and how after her mother dies she's going to try and trade some old family photos for a weekend stay at a historic/haunted hotel in hot springs, arkansas. she got on this topic after i told her i was from arkansas, and she told me i wasn't pronouncing it correctly. then she told me about her halloween and how she blacked out because she's not used to taking shots anymore. this was after asking what i did for halloween and criticizing my costume. through out this experience she kept saying, "we're going to get you woman approved!" when i made the comment, "great. i'm really trying to attract more woman right now," mandy didn't get the joke.

the best, or worst part of the experience depending how you look at it, after she finished cutting my hair she used this awful axe hair paste on my head. she gave me a fohawk, a look i cannot and will not ever try and pull off. i think she knew this too because after she "styled" my hair she said, "oh. you never have you do your hair like this again."

thanks, mandy.