i have a blog so i can be passive-aggressive and no one will really notice.

my latest annoyances...

if i ever drink the kool aid and get married, i will not go on my honeymoon to a place where my hotel stay costs as much as the people who work there make in a year.

i've posted this before, but really, people need to stop vaguebooking. especially when it is so obviously about your break-up.

finally, telling me julia and julia is one of your favorite movies is a deal breaker. i won't date you.

things i do at 4:32 in the morning when i can't sleep

look at pictures of puppies on the interwebs.

look out my windows and try to spy on my neighbors,

... hope they aren't doing the same.

listen to TV on the Radio and dance in my living room.

is st. elmo's fire a cult classic at georgetown? i hope so.

after sleeping away a hangover all day yesterday i, to no surprise, found myself wide awake around 2 a.m. this morning. lucky for me netflix just added a ton of movies to their watch instantly, and i was very pleased to find st. elmo's fire to be one of them.

for reasons i still haven't quite figured out, i have been a brat pack groupie since about middle school. in high school one of my favorite movies, obviously, was the breakfast club. then once in college i had to move on to a movie more relevant to my life, thus st. elmo's fire took first place in my favorite brat pack movie category. i hadn't watched this movie in several years, and there were a lot of things i had forgotten.

quick and dirty analysis, now that i'm (slightly) more mature, and (hopefully) more critical...

if emilio estevez pulled those kind of antics in real life no woman would put up with his bullshit. it's not romantic, it's creepy. instead of a steamy kiss and a snapshot, it's more likely he'd be served with a restraining order.

i remember reading somewhere that demi moore's character jules was very similar to how she was acting in real life at that time. apparently this movie was her wake-up call to get her shit together. after watching it last night, that character reminds me of the way lindsey lohan is acting now. maybe joel schumacher can give lohan a wake up call, too?

no one in real life, but especially not at 22, can have a love triangle like that of alec, leslie, and kevin. it doesn't matter how well-adjusted you think you are. if you've seen the movie, you know what i'm talking about here.

andrew mccarthy and i have an odd number of things in common. we're both whiny, overly sarcastic, and small in size in comparison to most of our friends. oh, and we also both want to be writers.

also, i'd bet money that judd nelson got more ass in that movie than he ever has in real life. he's a douche in the movie, and probably in real life.

i can't wait to be mrs. jenny lewis.

i've been thinking a lot recently about cultural norms and habits, and really how odd some of them are. i think i've just been noticing certain things more often lately, and questioning how bizarre and outdated they seem to be.

marriage in general, but certain things really baffle me. particularly taking the last name of the person you marry, customarily that of the woman adopting her husband's last name. this and all the weird suggestions of ownership, and the transfer of it, seem ridiculous to me. my advice, keep your name. there's a 50 percent chance the marriage will end in divorce anyway, save yourself the paperwork.

leading up to marriage, i'm also confused by the courting practice. one, when people only date a person they can see themselves marrying. if i only dated people who i thought i would marry i would never leave my house. secondly, i think it is outdated to assume when a person asks you on a date that they will pay for you. maybe this one is just me, and i have weird rules and habits with money, but it makes so much more sense to me when both parties pay their own way.

outside of marriage now, there are plenty of other things that confuse me. why do people take their hats off for prayer, the national anthem, at memorials? i know it's supposed to be out of respect, but how is it disrespectful in the first place? bald heads and bad haircuts are equally displeasing to the eyes. and in the winter no one takes off their knit caps. also, i don't understand why people say "sorry" after someone has told them personal bad news. it may be polite, but it's an insinsere apology for something no one can change. instead, try saying something that it might really help the person to hear. another, why do people still say, "bless you" after someone sneezes? i've shied away from the pointless habit, unless i tell someone "god bless you" and really then it's just more for irony.

finally, i do not understand the practice of shaking hands. it seems like such a cold and manufactured way of showing affection. not to mention, no one ever knows if the other person has bothered to wash their hands recently. hugging is more personal and involves less germ-sharing. that said, when i do find myself in a situation where i have the shake someone else's hand, i always judge the person based on how firm the handshake is.

thirtysomething

my netflix has recently been recommending i watch the show "thirtysomething." the series really seems horribly depressing, and considering it only stuck around for four seasons, i'm guessing i'm not the only one who is/was of that opinion. while i have no interest in watching the show, it did make me start thinking about what my life will be like when i'm in my thirties. this is assuming, of course, that palin is not elected president in 2012 and the earth doesn't destory itself.

i have a few friends who are already in their thirties so i tried comparing their lives to what i imagine i will be like in seven years. this probably isn't the best way to guess how my life will turn out though, as i have no intention of still living in columbia. unless we get a trader joe's and H&M. then i may never leave.

i also thought about the members of my family who are already in their thirties. this too is not the best way to guess what i'll be like. they all have spouses and children. these are two things i can say with near certainty i have no interest in ever having.

then i started thinking of people who were popular in the 90's and are now in their thirties. naturally my first thought was about the cast of "clueless." then i just became depressed because i was reminded brittany murphy will never again lend her voice to the character of luanne in "king of the hill." that and alicia silverstone does work for PETA now, which is such a disappointment. and paul rudd, well he's still being adorably type-cast.

so, as i do when i'm bored, i googled, "people who became popular in their 30's." a couple of the more noteable stories i found- sylvester stallone was working as a deli counter attendant until he made "rocky." martha stewart was selling stocks. and james joyce wasn't published until 32, prior to that he had a successful career as singer, famous for his tenor voice.

it seems like i've always had the advantage of things falling into place for me relatively easily. so while i'm not exactly sure what the next seven years will bring and take from my life, i feel pretty confident about them. two things that are unquestionably important for me to have (or have maintained) at 30 though, all my hair and a 30 inch waist.

national day of prayer

i just recently found out that may 16th is national day of prayer. apparently this day has been around since congress designated a day for it in 1952. every president since has taken part in the event in some way. president bush held ceremonies at the white house each year. president obama did not hold a ceremony last year, though he did recognize the day. for this to have been around for the last 48 years i'm surprised this is the first time i've ever heard about it. i'm more surprised though that only in the last 2 years has anyone put any significant effort in overturning the event.

in october of 2008 the freedom from religion foundation sued [then] president bush and the national day of prayer task force, challenging the federally designated day. just days ago, april 16th to be exact, a U.S. district judge declared the day unconstitutional. judge barbara crabb said the day violates the first amendment's establishment clause, which bans the creation of a "law respecting the establishment of religion" in the constitution. president obama has said the day is now a national tradition and has said he will recognize the day again this year.

judge crabb tried to make it clear in her ruling that she is not criticizing prayer, or those who pray. she also made note that there is no law preventing people from praying anytime they want, or for non-governmental agencies to organize their own day for prayer.

honestly, i agree with judge crabb's ruling 100 percent. i can't say that my lack of faith doesn't influence me in some way, but mostly i agree that the day is in direct violation of the constitution. the establishment clause was put into place in reaction to the establishment of the church of england. not to mention the founding father's did not want a preference to be shown towards any religion in particular, hence the first amendment, freedom of religion.

in response to the national day of prayer, secularists/humanists/atheists has joined together in creating the national day of reason, also celebrated on the first thursday of every may. some organizations associated with the NDR have started organizing community service events and blood drives on this day.

so, with may 16th approaching i've been giving some thought into what i can do to celebrate that wont' compromise my values. 1.) i won't be praying, or taking part in any NDP or NDR event. 2.) i'm not allowed to give blood and don't know of any community service events happening, but i can make a conscious effort in doing good deeds all day long. 3.) drink.

someone needed to say it.

I’ve kept this post as a draft for a while now, and debated if it was worth posting. Not because it is any less important than hogzilla, but I have many friends who are guilty of these about-to-be-named faults. After talking with a friend though I decided this was no real reason to hold back.

I am a bit of a social networking site snob. I can think of no reason I will ever use a twitter or tumblr. I enjoy facebooking, but mostly consider it to be a joke as well. I had a discussion the other day about how essentially every social networking site is created for the sole purpose of self-promotion, and I believe that to be an absolute truth. People tweet because they think whatever they have to say in 150 characters (this is an arbitrary guess) or less is important enough for others to follow. People set up myspace and facebook accounts to see how many “friends” they can accumulate. And since these sites have been created with no disclaimer or guide to inform users of what is and is not appropriate, I’ve taken it upon myself to set a few standards.

1. Facebook is not the place to let people know your life is falling apart. Everyone has bad days, and sometimes those stretch into patches of just plain bad luck. But everyone on your “friends” list does not need to know how bad things in your life have become. There is actually a term for this, vaguebooking. It’s easy to spot, too- “wondering if it is worth it all” or “ready to just give up.” Having this as your status is a quick way to get people who don’t know you very well to give you loads of attention. More importantly, if your real friends are anything like me, this will only irritate them and they won’t take you seriously until you talk to them directly.

2. Facebook is not twitter. It is equally annoying when you clog my newsfeed with a different status every five minutes. I really don’t care. I don’t care.

3. Don’t put song lyrics as your status. If you’re still in high school and you’re using msn messenger and chatting with your besties, it’s fine. If you’re in your mid-twenties and still posting self-reflective song lyrics but always follow with, “they’re just lyrics, I really like the song”, reevaluate things. I really like the song Parting Gift by Fiona Apple. I think the lyrics are easily relatable, but I would never put them as my status, and I think the reasons should be fairly obvious.

4. Stop using your status as a way to make passive aggressive comments about/towards your ex. Everyone has had a bad break up(s). They’re tough, but the heartache (just like the relationship) is transient. The longer you hold a grudge, and the more you comment on his or her actions, will just add to the time it will take to get over the person.

5. Finally, stop using facebook to spread ignorance. If you have the urge to make a comment about a person or group’s race, ethnicity, gender, class, sexual orientation, or ability, stop, think about the one thing you have struggled with most, and imagine someone posting it as their status.

hogzilla.

this morning i watched a national geographic documentary on hogzilla, pictured above. lisa ling investigated what she referred to as a "new monster roaming our swamps." the man who shot hogzilla is chris griffin, a professional hunting guide. he claimed hogzilla was 12 feet long and weighted over a ton, comparing its size to a rhino. national geographic investigators exhumed the hog's body- it was absolutely disgusting to see a 6-month old, decomposing hog carcass. examiners also had to dig up the severed head, because griffin buried it in a secret location to keep grave robbers from taking the head and having it taxidermed. anyway, this team of hog experts determined that griffin had exaggerated hogzilla's original size. it was a little sad to see this group of scientists call griffin out on his lie, especially after the georgia town declared griffin a hero, complete with an annual parade, after he'd killed the animal.

other interesting bits i learned from this documentary: the pig is the smartest of all domesticated animals. it has taken thousands of years for pigs to evolve into more gentler version we have today, but once released into the wild a pig's natural instincts can take over in a matter of weeks. once this happens its hair becomes courser, it begins to grow tusks, and becomes increasingly more aggressive. also, feral pigs can be found on every continent, living in every ecosystem, except antarctica.

apparently it is very likely that there are many other 800-1,000 pound boars roaming around the southern swamps. wild hogs have been spotted as far north as the canadian tundra. this is slightly terrifying, and frankly i blame factory farmers. after scientists genetically tested hogzilla's DNA they found that he had both wild and domesticated chromosomes, suggesting inter-breeding between wild and domesticated pigs. there can potentially be thousands of hybrid hogs living in the wild. though the pork industry in the united states is not on the same scale as china- apparently china is considered to be the world's powerhouse of pork production- we have a substantially large number of pork producers. i already blame factory pork farms for most of the e-coli outbreaks and antibiotic resistant MRSA.

most terrifying of all, now there's this- the hogzilla b-horror movie.

i think this speaks for itself.

i rediscovered this when i was going through the pictures on my phone. i don't remember when or where i took it originally, but i'm so glad i found it.

self-diagnosis is kinda my thing.

despite being a bit of a hypochondriac i hate visiting the doctor. there are several contributing neurosis that i think cause me to actively avoid the doctor's office. partly it is due to my mother insisting on going into the exam room with me until i was 17 and then speaking for me when the doctor would ask what the problem was. additionally, on a couple of visits to the student health center the nurse not so subtly suggested i have an eating disorder. also, i hate sitting in the waiting room. i get anxious when i am sitting around so many other sick people, i'm afraid that if my immune system is already slightly weakened then i have an increased risk of catching something else. because of this, i self-diagnosis myself on web-md constantly. in the past week i've thought it possible that i have both pneumonia and thrush. rationally, i know there is very little chance i have either of these, let alone both. at the slightest symptom though my first instinct is to check every possibility on the web.

i am also prone to picking up the symptoms of the latest fad illness. in high school when the pope developed an urinary tract infection i was positive i had one, too. whenever the west nile virus started to spread through parts of the south i caught it, twice. and in 2006 when there was an e. coli outbreak reported in packaged spinach i woke up the day after eating a salad from the dining hall just knowing i had food poisoning. lucky for me most of my various self-diagnosed viruses/infections/illnesses cure themselves within 24-48 hours with a lot of napping on the couch and a little bit of self-loathing.

palin in 2012

i should begin by saying i have absolutely no respect for sarah palin. i do not believe she has the political experience necessary for national politics, and considering she resigned midway through her gubernatorial term, she will not have the experience when 2012 gets here either. i am frustrated with the argument that she is relatable. yes, she is folksy and a working mother, but those are not credible references to qualify a person to run a country. i am still frustrated that she misquoted madeleine albright. partly because i think she knowingly misquoted her because she could make herself sound better with the rewording, and also because sarah palin does not support other women. in fact, she speaks quite negatively about other women leaders. finally, and this may push some buttons, i think she exploits her youngest child in order to push her pro-life platform. that said, she is the perfect face to brand white elitism all over the tea party convention.

as for the tea party... since when did making jim crow references in the disguised argument of saving the constitution become okay? racial oppression is just as abhorrent today as it ever was. and seriously, tea baggers? first national convention held at a place called the gaylord opryland? either these people are completely clueless or there is a campaign organizer laughing her or his ass off every night. the irony isn't even funny at this point.

finally, what happened to the uber patriotic rhetoric we were hearing just a couple years back about how anti-american it is to criticize our president while he is still in office? isn't that just what the terrorists want? obama has only been in office a year and republican politicians and supporters are treating him with a lack of respect that took bush at least four years to achieve. fair and balanced my ass.

grammy's... more like bore-me's.

i didn't watch the grammy's. most award shows are boring and predictable to me. based off the flood of facebook statuses i noticed before going to bed last night though here's my wrap-up of the 2010 grammy's- people wasted their night being upset with a 20 year old white girl.

taylor swift is cute and naive and a safe, family-friendly choice. and even though lady gaga didn't win album of the year, she does have a larger fan base and the better career, so did she really loose much last night?

also, it seems people were so blinded with taylor swift hate, no one noticed the homophobic song "Run This Town," won best rap collaboration.

misanthrope is my favorite word.

quite often i am frustrated by main-stream america. while i can't imagine growing up anywhere else, i am often embarrassed at what has become american culture. this isn't to say that i am not grateful for the privileges i've grown up with. i'm very appreciative of my freedoms, though i don't necessarily believe i enjoy them because of military protection. what i am mostly bothered by are the moronic things that have become popular because so many people award them undeserved attention. nascar, nicolas cage, american cheese, recently elected massachusetts senator scott brown, the new york times fashion&style section- to name a few. i have to feel though that the united states as reached a new low point though when mattel introduced twitter for dogs.

i realize, and enjoy to some degree, social networking- this blog serves as proof. i have always thought that twitter is for the most egocentric of people though. i can think of only a small hand-full of times when using twitter is justifiable: keeping patrons up-to-date on happy hour specials, grassroots organizing, and promotions for food delivery deals. everything else seems like an insult to the inventors of the internet.

back to puppy tweets, this device attaches to a dog's collar and comes with pre-recordings like, "I finally caught that tail I've been chasing and...OOUUUCHH!" and "YAHOOOOOOO! Somedays you just gotta get your bark on."

this all leads me to believe that the type of person who would buy this product is also the type of person who doesn't leave their house enough to need to follow their dog's twitter.

smellements

adding to my argument in an earlier post that axe is awful...

gaga for haiti

for only $25 you too can have your very own lady gaga shirt with all proceeds going to haiti relief. i can't wait until i'm famous enough to capitalize on my popularity and lend my face a worthy cause.

insomnia is a dish best served cold.

i often have trouble sleeping and find myself lying in bed, anxiously scratching my dry skin and day dreaming. last night my mind began to wonder what celebrities would be like had they not gone into the entertainment business. a few examples:

what if jay-z had decided his true passion was teaching grammar and composition to high school students? would he have been the director of the school's glee club?

what if tina fey had gone to law school and eventually earned the title "her honorable judge elizabeth fey"? would she still eat junk food and make poop jokes?

a darker one, what if a young, precocious ashton kutcher had gotten his hands on the unabomber's manifesto, industrial society and its future ? would he have ended up being the one to send the post 9/11 anthrax letters?

finally, what if brad pitt had finished his last semester and MU and graduated with a bachelors of journalism in advertising? where would he be now? he may have still found himself in los angeles, but it's doubtful he would be raising humanitarian efforts and children with angelina jolie. my guess is he'd be writing jingles and producing commercials for snapple and sketchers.

about me: well, i'm a walking stereotype of an environmentally and socially conscious, anti-corporate white North American hipster.

but mostly i'm filled with jealousy that someone has created a blog more clever than my own. actually, i've known about christian lander and his blog stuff white people like for much longer than i've been blogging on my own site. his blog is a guilty pleasure i'm not even ashamed to admit i love. it does pain me to admit that of the 130 entries i can easily identify 114 i enjoy. as i write this post i'm sitting at the non-profit job i so desperately wanted for the year i'm taking off before deciding what i want to do for graduate school, drinking coffee, wearing a sweater, and listening to indie music. if the computer i am using were an apple product i might die of white overdose.

something i find more interesting than the blog its self is the reaction it has drawn from critics. lander is a generic looking white male who, if placed in a group of 29 other hipsters with unkempt beards, bed hair, and dark-rimmed glasses one would most likely assume a fleet foxes concert had just let out. other than being quick enough to spot an up-and-coming trend just before it turns from sub-culture to main-stream, he is not particularly interesting. i've read a lot of criticism calling him racist, classist, pretentious, and a bad writer. i have also read and heard several interviews of his. of all the things people say about him the only one that ever bothers him is being called a bad writer- which causes his critics to become all the more offended.

and here's the thing i don't think most people get- christian landers does not give a shit. he is not trying to make an intelligent social commentary on "white culture" because white people don't really have any kind of culture, we steal them from other people. he is not a decorated academic trying to base any truth on what he says, that's why he writes a blog. part of this i think stems from the fact that the popularity of stuff white people like grew incredibly quickly. in three months he became a popular culture phenomenon. but, landers knows that his blog, just like everything he writes about on it, is ephemeral. he just happened to get lucky. when people say the things he writes are racist and classist, that more than just white people enjoy these things, and not all white people enjoy everything on the list he doesn't care. he has said he knows he is not racist, and he bases most of his entries off his and his friend's personal tastes. he never makes a new post with the ill intent of offending anyone, but when people do get offended (#101) it adds even more novelty to his satire.

moral of this post- tell your friends to read my blog. landers was given a $300,000 advance for his book. matthew wants to get paid.

"New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks..." Mark Twain

it's a brand new year and i'm also about to turn a year older. i know that's a relative thing to say. every year people turn a year older, but my birthday falls one week after new years day. i've got high hopes for this year, too. twenty-two treated me pretty well, but i've got a good feeling about twenty-three. i don't make resolutions, but i do like to get goals for myself. i even made a list of my top ten goals for the year.

1.) start swimming
2.) play with more puppies
3.) buy a subaru
4.) start writing more
5.) grow a beard
6.) start canning
7.) stop blacking out so often
8.) visit dollywood
9.) buy more cardigans
10.) have my starter marriage