Saturday, November 28, 2009

guess who's coming to dinner.

a question i always enjoy asking people, especially someone i've just met is, "if you could have dinner and drinks with three people- dead or alive- who would they be". i think the answers people give are telling of his or her personality, and generally give a good idea of how interesting the person is. the best answer i've gotten to that question was really no one answer at all. my friend mike totally avoided the question all together. later in our conversation he came back to it and said, "you know i can't really answer that. what if i'm presented with the opportunity one day to actually have dinner with these three people and they end up disappointing me?" mike made a fair point.

when people redirect the question back to me it seems my answer is always changing. partly because i am indecisive, and partly because i am always thinking of new people whose company i would enjoy. currently my companions would be- tina fey, david sedaris, and chuck klosterman.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Happy “please don’t mind if we steal your land, give you blankets infected with small pox, force you to convert to our faith” Thanksgiving!

i'm thankful to jenny dills, or rather her co-worker, for giving me the title for this post.

additionally, i'm thankful for the warming email i got from our president barack obama earlier today. i signed up for campaign updates from organizing for america last november and still get them. i like the idea of receiving personalized emails from our "president barack obama." so does scarlett johansson. anyway, the email went on to say that tomorrow americans across the country will sit down and give thanks with their families and count their blessings with their loved ones... so on and so forth the way a generic thanksgiving speech would go.

the smaller part of me that still sees the good in people saw this as a kind gesture. the larger and admittedly more cynical part was irritated. yes millions of americans (who have the privilege) will sit down tomorrow with their families and (ideally) be thankful for their blessings (more food than they need).

food for thought:
-over half of the world's population (over three billion people) live on less than $2.50 a day.
-39.5 million people in america live at or below the poverty line, 12.9 million being children.
-of all family groups poverty is highest among those headed by single women.
-nearly 1.5 tons of food is wasted each year in the united states.

i'm not ungrateful, though i am often grumpy. i have several things i am thankful for, not just one day a year but everyday. i just don't enjoy the holiday.

Monday, November 16, 2009

quite a queer coincidence






i noticed this last night when i was watching an old episode.
mine's bigger.




Wednesday, November 11, 2009

That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!

as a child my dream was to become an astronaut when i grew up. around middle school i started telling people i was going to be a professional actor/model. i would tell perfect strangers this with complete certainty. now i'm almost twenty-three and neither career seem as realistic as they did then. it seems i have difficulty figuring out what i'm really interested in doing as an actual profession. at the moment organic farmer and beer master seem like fun.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

are you ready to be woman approved?!

to preface, i hate getting my hair cut. i get uncomfortable when i'm sitting in the chair, trying to make small-talk with the person cutting my hair. i always end up lying to the person because i think she (most often women cut my hair) asks questions that are mildly inappropriate and not really any of their business so i make up ridiculous stories in resonse. to be honest, i'd rather sit in silence and just look at myself in the mirror.

anyway, i managed to get a free haircut yesterday. i needed one anyway, and i love free things so initially this seemed like a sweet deal. it turned out, axe hair products are sponsoring free haircuts for men all week, this should have been the first red flag. i walk in to varsity clips and three women greet me by saying, "welcome to the axe hair-care clinic! are you ready to get woman approved?!" this should have been my second red flag. i had to sign a form and get a before picture taken. after that i sat down to wait...

whenever amanda, she prefers mandy, called me back and told me to sit down the first thing she says is, "can you do me a favor? since i'm about to give you a free haircut and get you woman approved, next time you come in give the receptionist this card. it enters me into a context, and i want to win that context." our conversation went as badly as i imagined it would. she told me about how her grandfather liked to pretend he was in the mafia, and how after her mother dies she's going to try and trade some old family photos for a weekend stay at a historic/haunted hotel in hot springs, arkansas. she got on this topic after i told her i was from arkansas, and she told me i wasn't pronouncing it correctly. then she told me about her halloween and how she blacked out because she's not used to taking shots anymore. this was after asking what i did for halloween and criticizing my costume. through out this experience she kept saying, "we're going to get you woman approved!" when i made the comment, "great. i'm really trying to attract more woman right now," mandy didn't get the joke.

the best, or worst part of the experience depending how you look at it, after she finished cutting my hair she used this awful axe hair paste on my head. she gave me a fohawk, a look i cannot and will not ever try and pull off. i think she knew this too because after she "styled" my hair she said, "oh. you never have you do your hair like this again."

thanks, mandy.